On Habits
I’m in the kitchen writing at the high-top wooden table I purchased during nursing school. My philosophy back then was that my procrastination was born from the lack of suitable study places in my home. So, (obviously!) buying a new table would put me right back on track with my studies.
It’s now two years later and I have come to understand how silly, yet understandable this pattern of thinking is.
When something isn’t going the way we want it to; when we seamlessly fall short of the (often unachievable) expectations we set for ourselves, one of the first things we do is run to is something external. We find ourselves on Marketplace hunting for a new table after we waited until the night before to study for our Pharmacology final. Possibly more relatable, we find ourselves in Lululemon buying a new workout outfit, because obviously, the reason we aren’t getting to the gym is we just don’t have the right attire! On a more serious note, we find ourselves in and out of relationships, buying new cars, committing to crazy schedules — we analyze, we discern, we point the finger, and we fix. It’s what we do.
The aforementioned (love that word!) examples are instances in which we reach outside of ourselves for change. They are also examples of some “bad” habits of my own, or rather, moments when I shy away from addressing the true matter at hand. They are examples of quick fixes, the band-aid applications on a pipe that’s about to burst. It may hold for a moment or two, but inevitably, your basement will flood.
So how instead do we address our “bad” habits? How instead do we move toward living a life closer to the one have imagined for ourselves? Depending on your story, your answer might at first be different. But if we dig deep down, I have an inkling that regardless of what your situation is, the answer it is rooted in a commonplace.
Was it the glass kitchen table or the underlying, unaddressed fear of failure behind my procrastination? Likely the latter. What about the shopping habit? Well, what am I avoiding? Am I feeling a lack of some sort somewhere else in my life? The argument you keep having. The decision you can’t make. Your tendency to sabotage relationships. Your procrastination. Your inability to stick to a healthy diet or a consistent workout routine. What’s really present? Where are your choices really coming from?
It’s not always easy; it’s frequently uncomfortable, but asking ourselves the answers to these questions is truly the only way to grow. If the underlying reasons behind our “bad” habits go unaddressed, they will indeed continue to show up. The danger of this is the inevitable inclination to start to adopt this as part of our identity, “I’m a procrastinator”, “I’m a shop-aholic”.
Lately, I’ve been spending more time in quiet; more time in nature, in reflection — in pause; I’m learning to question, understand, and deconstruct my own personal belief systems. I’m learning to discern what is learned versus what is true. I’m looking more closely at the day to day decisions I’m making, how and with whom I spend my time; I’m making sure that these reflect my values, and my dreams.
Our belief systems and perceptions shape our world and they are born from the ideas we hold about who we think we are; who we think others think we are, and who the world tells us we should be. Free yourself from this by asking yourself what your values are, where they came from and if they are indeed true to you.
Repaint your picture as you see fit, and be courageous while doing so. ❤
