Hello, Fear.

I would like to argue that fear gets a bad rep. We talk endlessly about strategies that help us to conquer, overcome, and defeat our fears, and how it hinders our progress throughout life. But what if fear is actually helpful? What if, instead of viewing fear as a problem, we learned to look at it as a solution? Maybe even, dare I say, we learn to be grateful for it?

This sounds crazy, I know, but hear me out — biologically, fear exists as a mechanism to help us to survive. It keeps us safe. Back when we were hunters and gatherers, this was vital. Basically, it prevented our ancestors from becoming dinner and helped them to protect their offspring. Without it, none of us would be here today.

The question then becomes, is it still helpful to us as a species?

On my bad days — I say no. Absolutely not. Fear is the enemy, let’s conquer this. When my mind is clear, I say yes. Absolutely. I say hello to this dear friend.

Our bodies are so unbelievably smart. So smart in fact that I’d argue we are all walking, talking, breathing mini-miracles. When we feel fear, our body knows exactly what to do to keep us safe. And even crazier, it doesn’t ask for our permission, it just hits the red button, and BOOM, we’re in protection mode. Instead of walking in front of a car, we look both ways. Thank you, fear.

But in other aspects of our lives, besides acts that are obviously dangerous, we feel fear and this is when it can become a hindrance, like a speed bump if you will. Fear, unrecognized, might show up viscerally, or in our bodies as any number or combination of the following:

• nervousness, jitters, fast heart rate
• inability to sleep/insomnia
• stress, anxieties, depression
• patterns of “self-sabotage”, or freezing
• musculoskeletal tension

Chronically, if fear is unrecognized, these responses over time can grow into illness and chronic pain in our bodies.

So, to conclude, we all have fear. Most of us would like it to disappear and have struggled with its repeated, often constant presence in our lives. If you are like me, you’ve felt afraid of fear, and maybe even shameful, guilty, or regretful about the ways in which this pattern has shown up in your life.

But here is my challenge for you — and for me; can we muster the courage to slow down, step back, and look deeper at it? Can we observe, without judgment, where fear is present in our lives? And in those places, we can then consider, does fear serve me here?

Can you get curious about your fear? Can you find the grace to say hello to it? Maybe you invite it over for dinner; become good friends; learn to understand each other. And then maybe, just maybe, although uncomfortable at first, you learn to move forward, but this time, together.

“I want to be in the arena. I want to be brave with my life. And when we make the choice to dare greatly, we sign up to get our asses kicked. We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time.”

— Brene Brown, Daring Greatly

Sources:

Tension — AAPB. (2020). Applied Psychophysiology and Biofeedback. https://www.aapb.org/i4a/pages/index.cfm?pageID=3353